Lessons from Bittersweet on a Slasher-Editor

…my ambition is to write both in defiance of tragedy, and in blindness of its possibility, to keep screaming into the waves—-just as my ancestors did. —-Ta-Nehisi Coates

Today I tried to work on my novel. Basically I failed. It just wasn’t gonna happen. So I can relate to the word defiance. I think of this defiance as a part of myself that hits me like a wave. Sometimes there’s just no way around it.

I finally understood that I was dealing with my slasher-editor. I’ve been in therapy long enough to know that my slasher-editor is a part of me who actually thinks she’s helping me. So there’s no real point in fighting her. That would be like hitting my grandmother.

But I must admit, I got pretty ticked off at my little slasher today. She put her nose right up to mine and would not let me do a bit of writing. Maybe she has a point? Maybe I just don’t see everything in the situation.

I used to think I could just power my way through my writing. In the past, I would have kept trying harder until I exhausted myself. How can I do it differently now?

First, I have to realize that my slasher wants to help me. How? Well I can guess. She believes that if she lets me finish this novel, I will get in trouble. How? All interested parties will be angry. She doesn’t realize that “interested parties” in this case are my characters. Well, maybe she does realize that, and she wants to protect the characters.

Why would slasher feel the need to protect my characters? She can’t tell the difference between fiction and reality? Welcome to the club, slasher. OR she doesn’t trust me to take care of these characters? Maybe she’s got a point. OR she thinks this novel is NOT a work of fiction? I’m pretty sure it is, but, on the other hand, as Pat Schneider said, “Fiction is another way of telling the truth.”

Regardless of what my slasher-editor thinks, she presently has the upper hand. So there’s that.

I decided to purposely share with slasher how my writing has changed over the past seventeen years. How frozen and landlocked I felt when I first started writing. How my writing is so different now, so much more open and daring. But, honestly, I think my true motive was to lull slasher into giving me my way. I’m going to have to put her to bed now. We both need a rest.

Since I moved to the land that I live on, I have learned that nature has the power to save me—from myself and possibly from my slasher-editor. So today I went for a walk on the trail and handed my dilemma to nature. In response, I began to notice the trees in the wetlands area next to my trail. These trees are not a part of the property I own, but I walk by them every day. Many of these trees have been completely destroyed by bittersweet vines.

For three years I have wrestled with the invasive bittersweet trying to kill the trees on my property. Here is what I have accomplished so far:

First, I cut my way through vines that covered the ground near my trees. I used many different tools to do this, and it took me a long time. I used a mini-chainsaw, brush-cut attachment on a trimmer, loppers, and, at one point, even weed killer. I slowly worked my way through the ground cover, stepping on thick vines that seemed almost vindictive. Often my feet would get trapped and I would get pulled to the ground.

Once I cleared the ground cover, I began to cut vines from the trees. I first cut them at ground level, then pulled them from the tree’s branches. It took weeks, months—really years—for me to finish this. And today, as I walked around the trail, I felt proud of what I had done.

Most of the trees on my property have been completely freed from vines. Though some of these trees are mortally wounded. On the wounded trees you see amber resin. Resin is the tree’s way of trying to heal itself. It makes me gag.

But many other trees sing with their freedom. I sail past these trees and smile, knowing I had a part in getting them to their current state.

My final step in helping the trees is to do a prescribed burn. It took me awhile to accept this idea, as it made me nervous. I had visions of wildfires racing across my property. But this is apparently not what happens. Many people have assured me that a prescribed burn is exactly what the land needs.

So what did it mean when my attention was drawn to the suffering trees today? To be honest, I imagine the trees feel the same way I do. We’re all furious. My slasher-editor blocks me from growing. In fact, I’m pretty sure she wants to kill me. Just as the invasive vines want to kill the trees. It’s a little disconcerting to know I have a part of myself who wants to kill me. But I’m sure the trees can relate.

In an article called “It’s Time for Bittersweet to Get Out of Town”, Jim Miller says: “Simply put, bittersweet is evil…It’s murderous and it’s on the move, slithering along fences, clawing its way up doomed trees, girdling its victims, orange roots oozing along underground, ready to pop up and destroy our entire botanical civilization.”

So, if I am going to compare my slasher-editor with bittersweet, I need to take the threat seriously. Sorry, little slasher, but you piss me off. Especially when it comes to my novel. I have spent many hundreds of hours writing that novel, and your intent is to take it down before it can get out into the world.

But—according to Jim Miller, “even badly infested trees can recover. Cutting vines immediately provides relief to infested trees. After cutting vines, repeated manual control, such as mowing over affected areas, is necessary. If used carefully, concentrated weed killer can be a big help for larger infestations. Apply it to freshly cut stumps to kill the root…Seeds remain viable for up to five years, so even after initial victory is declared, vigilance is required. As with any protected conflict, do not foolishly declare ‘mission accomplished’ too soon. You have to be persistent.”

Lessons learned today: 1) It’s not entirely valid to compare my slasher-editor with a bittersweet vine. Sorry slasher, I didn’t mean to offend you. 2) BUT I must take you both seriously. 3) Vigilance and persistence are required. 4) Don’t declare “mission accomplished” before I have reached my goal.

To Be Continued….